How to ask good questions

I've got some great feedback recently on my ability to ask questions, and to think deeply. This is part 1 to help you be able to do the same. With your spouse, your friends, in your line of work, and with your adversaries.

Step 1 is to assume you know nothing and remain abundantly curious. Truly, you should not be looking to respond at all. You hear different 'rules' like 80/20 which explains listening 80% of the time and speaking 20%. If I were to guess I'd say my ideal aim is about 90-95% hearing them. Why would you even plan to speak when you're trying to understand someone more? When you want to get to know someone or understand someone you want to get them talking as much as possible. This is how you learn. And trust me, people love to talk about themselves.

Step 2 is to remain genuine. Don't be sketchy about the questions, someone will easily be able to sense when you are not genuine. Caring about people comes more naturally to some than to others, and that's okay. If you feel it's let natural for you, time to get some good practice in.

Step 3. Do NOT try and prove what you 'know' to be true. Especially when there is no buy in. A great way to do this right away is by phrasing what you may say as "My opinion is..", or "I believe that.." This takes away the potential for you to be interpreted as if you know everything. There is nothing you need to prove when you're trying to have a great conversation. The other critical piece to this, already mentioned is the buy in. You'll know the other person is really bought in to YOU when they ask you your thoughts during the exchange.

The first great way to begin this are "well I don't really know anything, but what I think is..". This is a fantastic way to ensure a safe space for the other person, as they know you're not trying to be a know it all. To add to this, you really don't know anything. No one knows a whole lot. What we know is based on our own experience which does not make something objective fact (doesn't mean it isn't true or subjectively factual), and what we learn is often based on someone elses understanding. Science changes every day, researchers chance their minds about things extremely often (Like the R.I.C.E method during injury), opinions change based on new experiences, and on and on.

Another great way to begin this is "I relate to what ___ said which was..". Now you're giving another account of a similar view you have, which almost adds a strength in numbers aspect. Sure you could personally believe something and be one of one, but when another known figure has the same outlook this can certainly help your credibility.

For questions you have, @jacobsaunders1 on Instagram is the best bet.

Part 2 out soon, put the above into practice first